Brooklyn


I take a bus to the subway every morning (although not anymore – move is in 3 days, weeeee). It’s about a 2-block walk from the end of the bus line to the subway. Those two blocks though? They are lined with the back-entrances to a bunch of restaurants – where trash is placed and then leaks, where the quaintly cobbled sidewalk retains the liquid and then splashes when you walk on the stones, getting all up in your flip flops and reminding you of fish markets and spoiled milk for the rest of the day. In short, the longest two blocks of my day.

On my first few trips to New York, ever, I was always visiting people and it was always scary – in high school my friend Matt was like “Don’t make eye contact with anyone on the subway,” so that was the New York I knew. I college, we would visit Kelly at Fordham and holy crap, for student housing in New York City, the apartments that Fordham freshmen get are insane and bigger than any apartment I’ve ever lived in. But my point is, I remember Becky wiped her face with some kind of astringent one night in Kelly’s place and we all marveled at the blackness of the cotton ball. New York! One filthy place where you can’t look anyone in the eye. (Becky still tends to bring up the astringent thing. It’s been 12 years.) Also, Kelly’s roommate had an insane amount of lingerie for an 18-year-old and we have a whole gallery of photos from when Becky tried it all on. It was mostly Blanche DuBois-chic, like satin robes trimmed in fur. That has nothing to do with anything, I’m just having a fond memory because we took about 3 rolls of film that night and then each ate a pint of Ben & Jerry’s without regret and watched The Crow. Man, I miss the 90’s.

Those first few trips to New York were the reason I wanted to move here, the city was still mysterious and, yes, like the casts from every New York TV-show always say, the city is a character in itself.  While we were standing in the 59th street subway station, we all started singing “Feelin’ Groovy” (you’d be hard pressed to find anyone in my group of high school friends who didn’t keep Simon and Garfunkel in the tape deck of their car). When we emerged out of Port Authority in Times Square, there was an old shoe store called Father & Son and again, we all started singing what I now think of as a real downer of a song, Cat Stevens’ “Father and Son” (because if there was one tape even more popular than S&G, it was the self-mixed Cat Stevens “Best-of” tapes Becky would copy for us). Regardless of how sad “Father and Son” the song seems now (I mean seriously, it’s a good song but I feel like the 70’s singer-songwriter theme of parental regret need not have produced so many singles, amiright “Cat’s in the Cradle” lovers?), we were all on the same page and it was all really exciting. We made pilgrimages to the Dakota and Strawberry Field and if this post is veering into some kind of classic-rock blog of devotion, don’t worry, it’s unintentional and I’m trying to reel it in. We did wait in line for rush tickets to see Rent, so that should even the score.

I have to remember that all of that is why I moved to the city – everything was a reference, a scene from a movie or a line from a song. That’s what I wanted my world to be, it’s even why I tried babka (cinnamon and chocolate), because I wanted to try it after seeing Seinfeld. (However, still not a fan of black and white cookies. ) After this weekend I don’t have to deal with the rotten-smelling two blocks anymore, and all will be right with my mythical city once more. I’ll live in a land where Cosby’s roamed and Cher dated Nicolas Cage and got a makeover. As with every move, it will be magic. Until the next time I have to deal with subway delays, moldy groceries and bean-eating hoboes.*

*Fingers crossed!

Sisterhood of the traveling pantsuits! Are there any other democrats out there rethinking their primary vote for Obama besides me?

(Just kidding, I didn’t vote in the primary this year. Because I was vacationing in San Francisco on Super Tuesday – but I’m pretty sure every San Franciscan cast a vote I’m on board with, what with our shared values and all.) 

But seriously, go Hillary with your puns.

Still posting over at Scandalist (until the end of next week!), plus I got a Mac at work, and I’ll be moving to a more desirable neighborhood in 5 days, so things are looking up. (What constitutes “more desirable” in my mind? I think about if I were to do an apartment swap with some other-city dwelling vacationer, would I feel guilty telling them “Yeah, I totally live in a great part of Brooklyn”? If I were to have that hypothetical conversation today, I would feel very bad – red-hot on the Guilt-o-Tron 3000 (wink!). What with the cabbie who got his eye shot out  5 blocks from my house and the train to nowhere as the closest public transportation. But now, I’ll really be able to wholeheartedly say “I live where Brooklyn rich people live – Brooklyn people who have the option NOT to live in Brooklyn but choose not to take it! Even though I live in a shoebox (but you should see the bathroom – it’s newly renovated)!” But I actually don’t ever plan to use those house-swap websites, so this is purely just an example of what I might say if I did.)

Annnnyway.

I wrote this a year ago and it’s been sitting in my drafts in need of an end, which it still doesn’t have. I guess I may as well post it though, and keep on this habit of providing fresh content….

There was an episode of Will and Grace (during the Harry Connick, Jr. years) where, after Grace gets married, she moves to Brooklyn. (TV Watching Companion doesn’t like watching Will and Grace so my wording and context might be off since I haven’t seen a rerun of that show in ages.)

Someone tells former Upper Westsider Grace of a great restaurant or something in her new Brooklyn Heights neighborhood and she says “I don’t know…I only know my street” and the audience erupts into thunderous laughter and knowing applause. Ha, Brooklyn. The place where people live because they have to. (And of course an artsy, bohemian, skull cap-wearing Rosanna Arquette is her massage therapist neighbor – because people in Brooklyn don’t need real office jobs when they live in Brooklyn, it’s where unconventional people and Doctors Without Borders live. Plus it’s where Miranda was forced to live on Sex and the City against her will, with a crazy, eating-pizza-out-of-the-garbage mother-in-law. It is basically as torturous to live in as Abu Ghraib, according to Hollywood.)

The sad thing is that while I do know a Brooklyn beyond my actual street, it’s only like 1/16 of what Brooklyn is and it’s still pretty much an anomaly – the other 15/16ths are varied and different for better and for worse. I’m not as ignorant as Grace and I actually think that walking through the sketchy parts of Brooklyn are kind of fun (because you get hit on even if you’re in your gym clothes! Is that a wrong reason?) but the percentage of the city I actually know (’cause if I learned anything from Welcome Back, Kotter, it’s that Brooklyn is America’s fourth largest city) is teeny. I figure it’s kind of like a musical artist. Like, I know about 4 Elvis Costello albums really well, and I figure if his entire catalog is as good as King of America (odd choice for some, but my absolute favorite), as long as I know it’s out there and I have the standing opportunity to listen to them at some point, I’m fine. As long as I know I can take the R train to Bay Ridge and get a giant plate of spaghetti with a view of the Verrazzano, ok then. I can live with that, maybe some day I’ll be just bored enough to do it.

Also, Ted Allen lives in my neighborhood, so if it’s good enough for one out of five Queer Guys, maybe Hollywood should reexamine things.