NObody tells LIZ what to do!

I do not follow directions. I poo-poo serving suggestions and recommended daily allowances, I never follow recipes exactly because I don’t like to measure things out, and I would not make it as an engineer because I realize I don’t really care about things like structural integrity or things looking “even”. I think my favorite phrase is “good enough”. Meaning “I put some, but not all, the effort I could have into that endeavor”.

I was an art major in college and I got by on many a project by discussing how the brilliance of my concepts should overshadow their poor execution. Sometimes that actually worked and sometimes there was just no excuse for a plaster and wire sculpture of the Karate Kid, even though I made it a multimedia piece by playing “You’re the Best Around”, the inspirational theme song from the end of the movie, during my critique. Much of what I do is contrary to the way a proper, civilized person should behave.

In talking to friends every so often I will be reassured that other people share certain bad behaviors like picking scabs and popping zits and that’s comforting. But I also cheat deafness by pushing Q-Tips way past the recommended outer ear canal, show disregard for my eyesight by cleaning my contact lenses with saliva if need be (not overnight, that would be gross even to me, just in rare emergencies) and once filed my tooth with a nail file so it would be even with the others. I like to think what doesn’t kill me or make me ugly makes me stronger, and I doubt my friends take such risks. That’s too bad too, because I’m not sure they’re living their lives to the fullest. This weekend I defrosted the freezer compartment of my refrigerator. Despite emphatic warnings right on the door saying “NEVER use sharp or pointed objects to remove ice from freezer”, I will give you one good guess as to the first thing I did. If your guess was to take a steak knife and plunge it into my freezer’s icy heart I guess you know me pretty well. I stabbed and stabbed until the whole freezer was frost free, it was so satisfying. And personally, I think the person who made that warning label is a little high strung and overly cautious because I definitely sped up the defrosting process by hours.

Often I wonder if this behavior is destructive. What toll will all of this rule breaking take on me? Will not hand washing my delicates come back to haunt me? Will using a harsh abrasive to clean my tub come back to kick me in the ass in a few years time? It’s possible, but due to my great outlook on life, I say c’est la vie. Chances are I will have bought new bras and moved to a place with a nicer bathroom anyway. The pants that have shrunk in the wash because I didn’t dry clean them? I don’t look at that as a lesson to learn from or even as a casualty of my lifestyle that shows no regard for nice things like wool, large appliances or sight. I probably donated them to some charitable cause so that someone who is three inches shorter than me could enjoy them, and if that’s a negative side effect of not following directions then I assure you, my rule abiding friends, that this rebellious lifestyle of mine is here to stay.

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