Un-de-FEET-ed. TOE-tally awesome.
I rarely check my website email inbox, and friends, today is the day I found out how much I regret that. My inbox was chock full of surprises, I had no idea that this whole time I had a treasure trove lurking behind firstname.lastname@example.org. Of all the things I received, I am adding to my current “Favorite Things” list that consists of Raindrops on Roses and Whiskers on Kittens, the email I got from the webmaster of taperedtoes.com.
I believe I brought it on myself when I mentioned in a post from long ago that I have an unusually large big toe. Nothing gross, and really more of an optical illusion than anything, as I had part of the nail cut off during my Ani-Difranco-listening-Nalgene-water-bottle-carrying-recurring-hangnail phase of college that I’m sure every girl here went through. So a smaller nail makes my toe look large and fleshy, the mere mention of which sent webmaster of taperedtoes into email overdrive.
Says webmaster “If you really have a huge big toe, send in a pic.”
And he further entices, as if my body can be bought, “We may even pay you for it! Thanks.”
Oh, ho ho! Listen here, flesh peddler! I will not sell my pride and womanly toe curves for any amount! Unless you have a grotto. Do you have a grotto, webmaster@taperedtoes? Because that could be cool. Are you the Hefner of Feet? Because then I could be one of your Ped-House Pets, like any of these ladies:
With Lindzee’s hot pink polish, she looks like the kind of girl I could have great pillowfights with!!
The ring proves Mama Pinky has been around the block a few times. I could learn things from this lady.
And finally, Shannon, who everyone calls Cingular Toe. More toes in more places.