TV? I’m a readie-Yo!

I am trying to better myself and distance myself from my old ally and good friend the television. This weaning process is proving itself near impossible, considering at least thrice daily, my friends ask “Have you SEEN Laguna Beach yet??” to which I have to hang my head in shame and respond in the negative.

This is a total shock to everyone, but especially to me. My parents attempted to limit my TV watching to 2 hours a day when I was a lass. TWO HOURS! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. As IF I could forego watching back to back episodes of Tic Tac Dough, followed by Magnum, followed by Out of this World (which still haunts my dreams…have you ever watched a glass get knocked over and wish you had the hand eye coordination and alien lineage necessary to stop time before it spilled?) followed by the especially contraband MTV, which segued nicely into prime time.

I would eat and do my homework in front of the TV (and while I didn’t get into 4 out of 5 of the colleges I applied to I still consider myself an academic success), I would fight over programming with my brother, and attempted to watch Romancing the Stone, taped from the ABC Sunday night movie, at least once a day for all of 1988. So while I know all the lines from the film, they are somewhat sanitized and cocaine-less, and maybe I don’t entirely understand what it felt like to be Joan Wilder visiting Cartagena for the very first time and meet Jack “T for Trustworthy” Colton. El Guapo is not as edgy without los swear words y drogas, you know? But it was quantity, certainly not quality at that point in my life. And in all subsequent points as well but whatever.

I had DVR last year and what a glorious year that was, friends. You know, I like my orange juice “Not From Concentrate”. But I like my TV exactly the opposite. Take out all the added liquid and condense it to the most succinct, concentrated amount in once sitting and you have my life with DVR. Nine hours of What Not To Wear condensed into 8! Now THAT’S economical.

When I moved I decided I could live without DVR. It was hard. Not only was I hooked on the convenience, but I was also now opposed to anything NOT digital, so I would refuse to tape anything on my VCR. I would sooner travel to a different borough to watch the last episode of Alias than put a tape in the deck and set the record timer. (Side note, remember VCR Plus!? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!)

And now, what with the lazy days of summer in my midst, I am trying to "read" more in order to appear smarter and have more things to converse about. I know what you are thinking, die-hard TV fans…watch a documentary and it will do the exact same thing. I agree wholeheartedly. But I find that despite the minor S-curve that my back is taking, I actually LIKE lugging books around with me and reading them on the subway. I ENJOY creating a visual world in my mind’s eye. But do not worry friends. Rest assured knowing that when September is upon us, I already bought my ticket for a seat Up Front this season.

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