Plop plop fizz fizz

I looove Trader Joes. I love all forms of grocery shopping but Trader Joes is just heaven. Sometimes it’s vegan heaven, sometimes it’s prepared food heaven, and sometimes it’s just cheap new food experiment heaven. I will rent a car, bring a cooler to my parents’ house, and then go shopping at Trader Joes because I love it that much. So I was delighted to set sail for the good Trader’s lair last Saturday and pick up some foodstuffs. Looka yonder, in the refrigerated section, methinks I spy something that looks tasty atop my leafy greens! What could sound better than Trader Joes Creamy Low Fat Basil Salad Dressing? Big on taste, low on calories? I’m im-pesto!

To quote one hit wonders (plus one cover of Wild Horses that I could take or leave) The Sundays, here is where the story ends. Last night I was all set to make my healthy dinner salad and I grabbed my Trader Joes dressing from the fridge. In my estimation salad dressing, when opened, should not give off the fizzing pop sound that say, a Diet Coke with Lemon should. Nor should Creamy Basil Salad dressing ooze out of the top of the bottle with the profuseness of Veuve Cliquot on New Year’s Eve and the consistency of whatever it is that falls from the sky when you say “I don’t know”on You Can’t Do That on Television. Carbonated salad dressing? No, thanks. Thoroughly disappointed, I attempted to hold a dignified memorial for the rest of the salad dressing by pouring it down the drain but I’ll be damned if the stuff didn’t just keep oozing and multiplying like something that trickled out of a meteor in Creepshow. In the case of Liz Vs. Creamy Basil Salad dressing I find you to be a traitor, Joe.

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