Boo, Lagoon. Or, The Atkins Must Diet!

I have failed as a pop culture lover. The only thing I am proud of, and I have failed. Yesterday there was not one but two references in my life to Christopher Atkins and I had to look him up because I didn’t know who he was. Me. Liz. Black. The girl who can sing the theme song to Today’s Special and who on a regular basis acts out the Lets Get Together Yeah Yeah Yeah song from the Parent Trap and who knows the names of both of Jennifer Connolly’s children did not know who this actor was. I am ashamed. I shall burrow into a hole and never come out. As long as I can still get my copies of Lucky and US Weekly delivered to that hole.

So. Atkins. I glossed over his name in the book I mentioned yesterday, Tiny Ladies in Shiny Pants, and was like, oh, just some 80’s actor I guess. And then he was mentioned last night on Gilmore Girls too and it was then that I became frantic. Why were so many pop culture references being made to this guy!? And why dont I GET THEM!? An emergency call to my shrink and a cup of Sleepytime later and I was calm but there was research to be done.

Ahhhhhh HA! IMDB I owe my entire well being and most links in this blog to you. Christopher Atkins. Resident of the Blue Lagoon, population 2. I guess when the other resident is Brooke Shields, however, your audience may get distracted and you might be relegated to “guy on island with Brooke Shields”. By the way, get ready for the first of many asides, I know why Brooke was cast. Forget all this hooey that the cast of Lost really DOESN’T SHOWER and THEY ARE SMELLY and it really does feel like the ARE DESERTED. Ha. I defy anyone to be on an island for months and have eyebrows as defined as Evangeline Lilly. Brooke Shields on the other hand, I can understand. If I’m judging people by realistic time spent on an island, hers are the brows I buy.

Aside numero dos: Did you know there were at least FOUR Blue Lagoon movies made? Of course I was only 3 when the Shields/Atkins version came out so I didn’t really care, I’m from the Milla Jovovich/Brian Krause Lagoon Generation, if I can say that without sounding too, well, retarded. Were any of these necessary? Of course maybe I’m just bitter because there has only been ONE film version of Island of the Blue Dolphins made. The world is unjust and it will be one of my life goals to bring Karana and her cormorant feather filled plight to the screen again, mark my words.

Aside trois: I heart IMDB commenters! One time in high school I had to write a story that included 10 of that weeks vocabulary words. I wrote a story about the Brady Bunch because why would I actually do anything in high school that would make me look cool? The story was made ridiculous by lines like “Jan looked reticent as she heard the cacophony of her siblings feet running down the stairs”. Well, that is what this IMDB review is like, only a thousand times better:

the film’s main appeal was in its edenic milieu, its charged moments of wonder and terror, and brooke shields’ extraordinary beauty and gamine charm…kleiser interposes the stereopticon pictures of the staid victorian couple with similar scenes of em and dick to highlight this point…

For real?

For real.

Back to Christopher Atkins and how I am furious with myself for not knowing who he is, this guy has been in 48 movies (ok so Red Shoe Diaries 13 may not be in my Netflix queue but still. The guy’s workin’!) and even made an appearance on MTV’s 70’s House. I don’t know when or where he slipped under my radar but Chris, I’m glad you’re blipping along on it now.

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