Open Letter To the Guy Who I Thought Was My Date Last Night But Clearly Was Not

Dear Guy Who I Sat Next To At The Bar And Started Talking To Because You Said “Hi, What Have You Been Up To Today?” So Therefore I Thought You Were The Guy I was Waiting For,

To be fair, we both walked into the bar at the same time, and when you said “Well THAT was good timing!” I didn’t think it was a “line”. I thought you were the person I planned to meet there, and in retrospect I think that was your blunder. Your overt friendliness, I mean. And then when the bartender said to both of us “What’ll you have?” and we both placed our orders at the same time, that further solidified your status as the person I planned to meet there, wouldn’t you agree? Because I know I agree. With me.

This was definitely one of those moments where being in a Spanish-speaking country would have come in handy, don’t you think, guy? Because we would have known if the bartender meant “What’ll you (usted, singular) have?” or “What’ll you (ustedes, plural) have?”. Either way though thanks for being a sport when he charged you for both drinks. I got your back next time!

So, guy, it’s probably better that we weren’t meant to be each other’s dates last night. You, with your passive nature and confused agreeance to pay and me with my pride when I did not actually ask your name to confirm that you were my date, well, those traits would never mesh. That’s the hard truth.

I’m glad I’m writing you this in a letter, guy. Because if this were a dialogue I would hate to have you address the question of how I could have possibly mistaken you, since you look nothing like your picture. The easy answer of course is “I just assumed your picture online was taken before you grew a full beard and your swarthy complexion definitely didn’t come off quite as dark, I assumed you were experimenting with light and exposure time on your camera”. Obviously, guy. Obviously. I have my reasons and I don’t have to get into this.

Also, I’m sorry I kind of ignored you once my real date showed up. Wow, was it ever obvious that he was the guy I was waiting for as soon as he walked in the door! I mean, if a picture tells a thousand words, his online photo said “I look the same in real life as I do in pictures” 83 times over. No ambiguity there!

My date and I were lost in conversation all night and I feel bad not saying goodbye when we left! Talking to you really helped me break the ice with him, so thank you. Did the people you were waiting for ever show up?

Anyway, lesson learned. For both of us, I guess, wouldn’t you say? From now on, I’m calling happy hour “‘Verify Identity First’ hour”. ha! ha! Take care, guy!

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  1. i was _just_ being friendly. and the beard? its a winter thing…

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