Rooney Eats It

I have been a negligent blogger for a while. While I try to come up with relevant things to say, I will make it up to you today with this totally irrelevant open letter I wrote after the last time I watched Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.

Dear Mia Sara,

It would not be hard to believe that Ferris Bueller had an exotic, foreign girlfriend, if that is in fact what you were going for. Is that what you were going for? John Hughes certainly knows how to write parts for exotic foreigners (see: Long Duck Dong) but aside from your vague accent and Euro fashion sensibility that allowed you to wear suede boots and fringey jackets with shorts, I am mystified by your ethnic makeup. The name Sloane has thrown me off the trail for ages, but I was willing to overlook that since I also don’t know anyone named Ferris either. But Broderick never tried any accents the way you did. Since your father was Sergeant Peterson of the Chicago Police, one would even assume you’d talk with that midwestern drawl that peppers conversations about Da Bears and Kielbassy sassage. But no. You say things like “Cahmeron, blink if you understahnd me” after your friend goes into shock and you try to revive him on the scenic shores of Lake Michigan.
Maybe it was inexperience that led you down this half-accented path, or maybe not, since sometimes even the most experienced Prince of Thieves needs a dialogue coach, maybe it was just your character choice. Maybe your Sloane had spent a semester abroad and picked up an accent that was slowly fading. Dunno. Either way, congratulations on being part of one of the best movies of all time. Also, where are you now? I hope you went to college and are not a fry cook on Venus.


  1. Yeah… that’s what I’d like to know… All of that!

    Who WAS that vaguely masked Sloane?

    I have since learned though, that ‘Sloane’ or ‘Sloane-y’ is what British people call affected-overly-posh-Londoners. Could Hughes have been ahead of the game?

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