Dear New York Post, Seriously, when are you going to start a TV network so I can pitch you my shows?

It’s that time once again – the fall TV season is upon us! And while numbers might be king of the tube this year (The Nine, Studio 60, 30 Rock, Six Degrees), puns will never lose their bright, gleaming luster. Perhaps if the networks had seen my pitches, they wouldn’t have been so numeral happy.

Scorcese has DeNiro. Woody Allen had Diane Keaton. Sofia Coppola has Kirsten Dunst. And David E. Kelley has Fyvush Finkel. This fall, FOX presents Party of Fyvush , a reality show about the comings and goings of everyone’s favorite old kvetcher.

high fyv!

There’s No T in Iams – Rapper Ice-T is known for kicking some serious Special Victims in their unit, but in this wacky sitcom, he kicks them in the funny bone! T plays a down on his luck dad who inherits a pet food company, but he hasn’t the slightest idea how to run it! Hilarity ensues when his daughter, played by (That’s So) Raven shows him who’s boss.

Everyone loves the Food Network, am I right? It’s a real phenomenon. But sometimes those 30-Minute Meals seem a little rushed, wouldn’t you say? For those of you who want to relax and kick off your shoes and watch some slow cooking in real time, the Food Network is proud to present its spin-off network, A Crock-Work Orange. You’ll get 4 episodes a day if you set the channel to Low, 8 episodes if you set it to High. Also in HD.

Everyone’s favorite Biographer, Harry Smith, finds out that he has been overcompensated for his years of working at the Arts & Entertainment Network. Rather than pay them back, he decides that each week he will perform a menial job at either the network’s offices, or the local YWCA until he has sufficiently worked off all that extra pay in A.E., IOU and Sometimes Y.

If there was one good thing to come out of NAFTA, it was the Iron Butterfly cover band formed by residents of our neighbors to the north and south. The “In-a-Canada-Vida” concert will be simulcast on Univision and Much Music this fall!

Wow! With this kind of lineup, I sure hope there’s no need for midseason replacements, but in case there is, I’m workin’ on it!

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  • Comments (3)
  1. The Post does have a network. It’s called Fox News. But anyway, funny, Liz!

    • liz
    • October 18th, 2006

    You got me there, Porter. But that does give me a great idea – next installment of punny sitcoms will be a right-wing edition!

  2. Hopefully including a show about pundits going after lazy border officials called “Stop the INS, Hannity!”

    Yeah, that didn’t really work.

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