If I pitched sitcoms to FOX News….

The public has demanded right-wing TV shows. And the public shall receive them. Here are some sitcoms that (fingers crossed!) will be pitched to Rupert Murdoch soon…

(Thanks to Stan, who kicked this off with the suggestion Stop the INS, Hannity!)

Low-class furniture mover Don Sampson thought he’d never find love. Until a chance meeting with his favorite news anchor changed his life and the two fell head over heels for one another. Watch the attraction of these two opposites grow into love, this season on Man With a Van Susteren.

Every network needs some daytime drama, which is why we are proud to take an hour out of our midday lineup to bring you a show that can get pretty steamy. We promise, none of these slick plots are rigged…Stay tuned for Oil, My Children.

What happens when you put America’s most beloved comedienne and the current Vice President in the same house? Why, Ball and Cheney, of course! Thanks to the magic of CGI, we’ve combined classic clips of Lucy with some of Cheney’s angriest outbursts for a real laugh riot. Ed. Note: Working title “I Love Dick” was changed due to a LOGO Network injunction.

ballcheney
Photoshop courtesy of Glennis

If there’s one girl with a View we can get on board with it’s Elisabeth Hasselbeck! Welcome her to the FOX team and let’s all enjoy her new show geared towards a demo that doesn’t get addressed nearly enough, Neo-Con Blondes. The show will include hot topics every right-wing lady needs to know about: primping, fashion and even cooking! Watch for segments like The Right to Bare Arms, Your Pants Are Fine, But Take That Chertoff!, Wool Sweaters: An Exposé on Pills You Find…The Morning After and How to Make Brownies – And Do a Heckuva Job.

And finally, even kids need a healthy dose of agenda! We’ve addressed the women, so why not the children? If they’re the ones who are getting off this sinking ship we call America first, they need to know how to lead a fair and balanced life more than anyone! Our new morning programming includes everything from English lessons, as in Osama Rhymes with Obama and numbers, on the show 1, 3, 5, 7, Bill Clinton is Responsible, 13. Also, during the Christmas (we’ll never call it “holiday”) season, we will be running Yes, Virginia There is a Santorum Claus.

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  • Comments (3)
  1. A veritable avalanche of comedy!

    • Dyna
    • October 20th, 2006

    Completely unironically, I love your puns.

    • liz
    • October 20th, 2006

    Aww. I worry that people will be kind of disgusted by them sometimes, so thank you.

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