Archive for December, 2006

If Celebrities’ Adopted Babies Had Indie Rock Bands

Who doesn’t love KEXP and CMJ and NME and all the other letters in the world that mean you’re on the cutting edge of musical hipness? No one. No one doesn’t love being in the know. Especially not cute little babies that get adopted by celebrities. In fact, just by the very nature of their instant-celeb status, they are automatically cooler than everyone else. Which is why I think it’s no surprise that these kids are all hip enough that they are starting cover bands of their favorite musical outfits.

Madonna’s controversial adoptee, David Banda, loves emotional, atmospheric rock, hence his tribute, Banda Horses.
banda

Zahara Jolie, the second child of the Bran-clan, loves Swedish girl-pop. Can you blame her? Which is why she’s teaming up with sister Shiloh to form Zahara Hotnights. That is, when lil’ sis isn’t busy fronting her French cover-cover band, Shiloh Nouvel(le) Vague.

shiloh

Meg Ryan’s daughter, Daisy True, a huge fan of Gorillaz, is putting her best foot forward with plans for a new group, Demon Daisy. Looking forward to some feel good times with that one!

daisy

What with Sharon Stone and Rosie O’Donnell each having 3 adopted kids, there are more than enough of them to start banging the drums and spreading the love with the Stone Rosies. And with that, Elizabeth my dear, it’s curtains for me.

Happy New Year!

more links than a sausage factory. well, one link. tiny factory.

Pop Matters’ year-end features included some best live event moments of the year, and I contributed. Look for my always important comments on fashion and Jenny Lewis here.

Poops of Grass

Granted: I am an inmate of a mental hospital; my keeper is watching me, he never lets me out of his sight; there’s a peephole in the door, and my keeper’s eye is the shade of brown that can never see through a blue-eyed type like me. —GŸnter Grass, The Tin Drum

This is the quote that faces me at work. Over the course of the past year, my office has undergone renovations to make the company seem cooler: every floor is color coded, my copy room is covered in astroturf, and we have “chat rooms” that are giant tents of plastic with words and famous quotes cut out to make us seem very literary. The chat rooms have names like “Hurston” and “Mishima” to make us seem not only literary but like, English majory. The chat room I sit near is named “Grass” which, honestly I thought was because it is green, not because the quote installed on it is by a man named Grass. I was not an English major.

The thing about the cut out words though is that, as anyone who has tried to cut letters out of paper knows, when you cut the holes out of say, lowercase e’s or g’s, the center part falls out. So an “e” might end up looking like an “o”. If you were to cut out the word “peep” it would end up looking like “poop”. Which is endlessly amusing to me.

poophole1

A closer look?
poop2

Just another way that the cosmos completely gets me. And don’t think I don’t love the fact that “poop hole” is followed 2 lines down with “shade of brown”.

Liz and her poop jokes: 1, People who take literature seriously: 0.

alpha bravo charlie

Air-travel Companion and I flew to Pittsburgh last Friday and due to this ridiculous ban on liquids (Yes, in the name of national security I get it, but the fact that you can purchase drinks beyond the security checkpoint and no one cares makes me really mad. I have been stopped for forgetting that my Dramatically Different Moisturizing Gel was in my carry-on pocket but the dude with the 24 oz. Dunkin’ Donuts Great One gets to sail on by. Go figure.) my bag had to be checked. As anyone who knows me knows, I hate checking bags. (I am currently working on some kind of patent for travel-sized items, such as pre-filled disposable contact lens cases that come in tiny 3-day and 7-day sets so that you dont have to check your suitcase just because you need lens solution. Let’s expedite the travel process as much as we can people! Don’t punish me just because I cant afford Lasik surgery!)

In college when I went on spring break, I was laughed at for lugging my large but JUSTUNDERTHESIZELIMIT suitcase on board. Hefty, yes. Barely fit in the overhead, yes. For all the agony it caused me as I rolled the poorly constructed wheelie case around and had it bang into my leg every third step, I did not have to wait at baggage claim like my friends who scoffed. Baggage claim to me is the biggest waste of time. Why not pack as much as you possibly can, as tightly as you possibly can to avoid that step and head straight to ground transportation? It makes perfect sense to me. I look forward to sitting next to you on my next flight and getting up and peeing 12 times, too.

The best part about checking a bag on this particular flight was that I had to pay attention to where I had to pick up my luggage -something I never have to do! Those final announcements about baggage claims and connecting flights are for suckers! Why anyone would check bags or take connecting flights is laughable. But now, thanks to I don’t even know who but we’ll say George Bush because why not, I am a sucker. So Flight Attendant told us to claim our bags “At Carousel K…as in Kilo. Once again that’s K as in Kilo”. I wonder what Flight Attendant does for fun?! Is that part of the phonetic alphabet? “That’s right, the name is Vicky, that’s V as in Vicodin, I as in Intervention, C as in Crack, K as in Kilo and Y as in the Yankees are on Steroids”.

I should mention, this was our Flight Attendant:

kate
Yes! Who’s keeping score of my outdated jokes? Also, what’s the deal with Crystal Pepsi?

Carousel K was nothing to sniff at – my bag was already there for me when I got there. For some reason or another, K as in Kilo really made things move fast.

Transitive Property!

I have always thought that SJP reminded me of someone. And I realized it was Miss Nelson, from the Miss Nelson books I read as a kid. So:
sjp = nelson
Then I was watching TV with my Television Companion and a new video for Twisted Sister’s Christmas album came out and I realized, WOW! Dee Snyder is also Miss Nelson-esque. Crazy. Personally, I think Twisted Sister’s best work was in Pee Wee’s Big Adventure. Now:

nelson = dee

Therefore, if a=b, and b=c, a=c.

sjp = dee

Math is fun!

Casino Evil, Cahearno Evil

Birthday weekend included a few too many ginger martinis, a fantastic dinner at Perry Street and a taking-in of Casino Royale with Cinema Companion, JonFoss and Glennis. Despite my general disinterest in the Bond franchise, I loved Casino Royale. We left the theater talking about how hot Daniel Craig is and made fast friends with some girls at the crosswalk who were willing to wait for a few light cycles to pass in order to have a conversation that fully appreciated the man’s hot body and Blue Steel eyes.

I loved the opening sequence of the movie, too. All retro-y cards and poker chips and guns that shot hearts, spades, green clovers, blue diamonds and purple horseshoes, it was visually stunning. Or at least really colorful. I was trying to find the credits to post them but even YouTube doesn’t have them so take my word.

So while my Google search of “casino+royale+opening+credits” was unlucky, it did bring me to the Christianity Today review of the film which is a thorough, good review but contains two dialogue boxes at the end of the review that make it great. In “Discussion Starters”, we’re given some thinkers, like:

1. Do you think there are jobs in the real world that require people to, as Vesper says, “switch off” morality? What are they? Would you be able to put aside morality for a job? What do you think that does to a person? Do you think bad deeds can be good if they are done for the overall good?

2. There are two scenes back-to-back in the Casino Royale hotel that show a difference between how Le Chiffre and Bond both treat women in danger. What does this juxtaposition say about both men?

3. At the end Bond says, “I thought he had my back. Lesson learned.” And then Vesper at one point tells Bond, “You have your armor back on.” What does Bond learn in this film about how he must live his life? Why does he need this “armor?” And what exactly is it?

4. Who do you think is clearly “good” and “bad” in this film? How is this grayish world often seen in pop culture lately. Why do you think that is? Is the world more black-and-white than this?

If only I could have written the essay portion of my SAT II’s based on questions like that. I definitely would have gotten into more than one college if I could have expounded on the morality of James Bond instead of whatever the crap I had to write about.

The Family Corner section of the review also cautions parents:

“the film perhaps should be treated as an R-rated film for intense sequences of violent action (lots of gun play, beatings and blood), an intense scene of torture involving a man’s scrotum (the impact is not shown but heard), sexual content (typical Bond euphemisms and unmarried characters rolling around with clothes on or under covers) and nudity (while female characters are often in skimpy outfits leaving little to the imagination, the “nudity” refers to a male character sitting nude in a chair during a torture scene, but nothing is shown).”

True, true and more true, but when you spell it all out like that it seems so excessive and ouchie. Besides, who could concentrate on scrotal torture when all you saw was rippling chest and sparkling sense of humor that persevered despite it all?

So here you have my high praise of Casino Royale in 17 syllables.

Acrobatic chase
scenes and foxy blond Bond thrill
boys and girls alike.

bond