Archive for March, 2007

If I Worked for the NY Post and was covering the Top Chef beat…

Rushdie, Crushed? Salman Might No Longer Sizzle For Top Chef Dish
Is it curtains for author Salman Rushdie and his fourth wife, the actress, chef and reality-show hostess Padma Lakshmi?

Late last week, a source overheard designer Diane von Furstenberg obsessing over the news that the luscious Ms. Lakshmi, 36, was set to drop the 59-year-old novelist, her husband of three years, like a heavy sack of unread best-sellers.

“I can’t believe she’s leaving him,” Ms. von Furstenberg kept saying, according to the source. The wrap-dress queen is a longtime friend of the couple and attended their wedding in April 2004, along with editor Tina Brown, comedian Steve Martin and assorted other famous guests.

Most troubling to Ms. von Furstenberg, apparently, was Ms. Lakshmi’s stated and not exactly literary reason for putting an end to the relationship with the Booker Prize winner: to focus on her big Bravo hit, Top Chef.

Okay, I watch Top Chef despite its hostesses who range from poor to negative poor. But I read that news above and it seemed to make sense, considering I never truly believed Padma and Salman were actually married. Plus, when Padma said (er, not so much “said” as breathily exhaled) the famous lame-ous catchphrase in the second to last episode to hunky, manly-man chef Sam “Please pack your knives an go”, her voice cracked and it was at that moment you knew that Sam was Padma’s personal chef and there was more than a little Quick Fire in this challenge. Seiously, I can’t stand this show, I don’t know why I keep watching and am talking about it months after it ended.

Wait! Yes, I do know why…Cause the end of Pad-Man means so many puns I can’t even stand it.

Diane Says: She Was The Von Furst to Know

Pad, See You!

See Ya, Salman…I’m Gonna Padma Resume With TV Gigs

She Lakshmi! She Really, Really Lakshmi..Well, Not Anymore

Indian Women Don’t Get Fatwa

My Secret

This The Secret business is creeping me out still. Granted I don’t actually know all the details about what exactly The Secret is because I refuse to get involved with it, but roommate Jeff has informed me that it has to do with positive outlooks, having a gravitational pull not in weight but in happiness (I just made that up, but you can have it, The Secret)…and buying the book and/or DVD. Today Oprah talked to a woman whose doctors found a tumor and she was choosing to medicate herself not with their recommended surgeries, but with The Secret. Even Oprah was a little taken aback and emphasized that uh, dudes, The Secret‘s not a doctor.

For all the head shaking I do at The Secret (because to me, happiness is something that can obviously be realized with a little retail therapy, a massage and habitual overeating) I have a book on my Amazon Wishlist that’s a little..secretive itself. I heard about the book Stumbling on Happiness by Daniel Gilbert from a boss, and it even comes recommended by Malcolm Gladwell right on the cover. Here’s an excerpt Gladwell wrote which I stole off of the Amazon site about the book:

We spend a great deal of our waking life imagining what it would be like to be this way or that way, or to do this or that, or taste or buy or experience some state or feeling or thing. We do that for good reasons: it is what allows us to shape our life. And it is by trying to exert some control over our futures that we attempt to be happy. But by any objective measure, we are really bad at that predictive function. We’re terrible at knowing how we will feel a day or a month or year from now, and even worse at knowing what will and will not bring us that cherished happiness. Gilbert sets out to figure what that’s so: why we are so terrible at something that would seem to be so extraordinarily important?

First of all, are you serious? I’m putting all my eggs in a basket marked “Your status as a sharp wit and elite tastemaker, and the Brooklyn brownstone you own, not rent, go HERE”, and you’re telling me that basket might not be an accurate perception of my future??

For some reason (eh, several not-so-vague reasons like self-doubt, laziness and the previously referred to habitual overeating) the happiness question is important to me…but instead of trusting the “Put out a good vibe, man, and things’ll happen and stuff” book, I want to trust the “There’s a scientific reason for your positive emotions involving synapses firing and various neurotransmissions” book. I’m a treehugging, liberal, art majoring, follow your own path kinda gal. I couldn’t even handle the 60-second science podcast, I was too bored after 45 seconds to care what interesting science fact I was learning about each day. But I want this book. And I don’t want The Secret. The science (a subject I don’t excel in and dropped in high school, leading to limited college choices) of happiness seems more valid than the artsy-fartsy “just be a happy refrigerator and the happy magnets will be attracted to you” (again, Secret people, you can have that metaphor) thing, which is SO me. I mean, most people don’t SEE that part of me. In fact I’m sure no one has. But it’s there. I am not just dripping with sarcasm and dismissive scoffing, but we all know being nice to people has no place on the internet or even in daily conversation, so that aspect of myself gets lost. But it’s there, in the way way backseat of the station wagon of my mind (Hey, um, The Secret…Do you want that last metaphor? Maybe?). But I am curious and can’t wait to blame the inner workings of my brain for the days when it seems the only answer is Top Design marathons and raw cake batter by the spoonful.

happiness

It ’snot what you think

I’ve been dealing with some illness-allergy thing lately and I don’t know what it is. It’s got elements of a head and chest cold and the only beverage I can drink is tea. Which is good because my mom just told me about some nutritionist who recommends drinking 5 cups of tea a day for better health. Which seems excessive, but seeing as I am currently drinking that much this week, I am for the first time ever doing exactly what my mother has recommended. See? I’m not that difficult a child. Of course if this particular nutritionist said the 5-cup-a-day thing on Oprah and Opes embraced it, it wouldn’t seem excessive at all and tea ceremonies a la Karate Kid Part II would be all the rage everywhere, right? Seriously. Tea would be the new The Secret. Then with the power of tea we could save people from Japanese hurricanes and reunite Mr. Miyagi with his father and his arch-nemesis, land developer Sato, and make the world a happy place. So what I mean is, if tea can do all that in for Daniel-san, tea will end the war in Iraq.

I’ve also been producing a good a decent amount of booger juice and can’t help but look in the tissue to take pride in what just came out of me. Again, now that Oprah has talked openly about poop and how she (and really, we all) look in the toilet to see what our bum-bums made, I would think phlegm should be discussed with as much ease and honesty. But looking in the tissue always makes me think of the old MTV commercial where a man behind a diner counter blows his nose and looks in his hanky and says “Hey I made an MTV logo! Wanna see it?..Well I didn’t want to show it to you anyway!” MTV totally got the 10-year-0ld me because that was funn-yyyy. That’s probably the very reason my parents didn’t want me watching MTV in the first place but if not for that and Remote Control, which validated all my Brady Bunch watching, I wouldn’t be the hilarious, sitcom-and-movie-referencing administrative assistant that I am. Off to let it out with some Kleenex!

And wouldn’t you know, Saturday really is let it out day….I know because I have my finger on the pulse of absorbent cleanup.
The time to Let It Out is Saturday, March 24th — 10 AM to 4 PM.
The place is Times Square, the NW corner of 45th Street and Broadway in front of the Marriott Marquis Hotel.
karate

Queso FUN-dido!

I love cheese. It’s a passion that ignited a long time ago but has grown exponentially since I visited Otto Pizzeria, one of Mario Batali’s restaurants that serves its cheese platter with side dishes of stewed apricots with chili flakes, truffle infused honey, and brandied cherries. Combining these sides with an assortment of cheeses (usually an assortment of 3, always the Coach Triple Creme goat cheese and the Parmigiano Reggiano, plus one more, usually a special cheese of the day) is easily the richest, most satisfying meal I could want. I’ve asked, and they don’t bottle up their cheese condiments, so I just have to keep going and going and going to Otto. That has resulted in sightings of Mario himself, Crocs and all, his children, and Kevin Bacon. Because of my passion for cheese I am zero degrees from the man to whom every human being ever is connected. Thank you, cheese.

Now I also live a block from Brooklyn Cheese Mecca (I like to believe they knew I lived nearby and chose the location just for me), Stinky Brooklyn. They have two cheeses, Cob Hill and Monte Enebro, that are Cheese Companion’s and my go-to cheeses, and they sell truffled honey – I did the old Christmas switcheroo and gave Cheese Companion a jar as a gift, knowing I’d use it as much if not more than him.

Today I was browsing the Murray’s Cheese Shop blog (yes, I read a cheese blog. I have also looked into the fromagerie internships at Artisanal, I know, I have problems…but as much as I love cheese, I can’t work for it for free) and saw this Italian commercial they posted for Parmegiano Reggiano. I love the metallic outfits and the hunched over garlic. I wish Americans felt strongly enough to sing about cheese in commercials! Pa pa pa, pa parmagiano re re re re re reggiano! To me, parm is as useful a condiment as salt or mustard, so the fact that there’s a commercial for it seems unnecessary, but still, I’m so glad it’s here.

OurSpace

I hate MySpace but I’m obsessed with it’s consequences.

I barely have 8 friends in the first place, but apparently you can have a Top 20 now instead of a Top 8. Is that new? A top 20! Seriously, who has 20 favorite friends? There are barely 20 people in this world that I find tolerable. But in New York Magazine a while back, someone wrote a letter to the editor saying that kids in school today come in all upset over the fact that they have been removed from their “friend’s” top 8 or top 20. Here’s a tip though, that’s not the internet’s fault. High school kids, and especially high school girls, will take anything personally, especially something that has to do with fragile teenage friendships. And I should know because I still have the emotional maturity of a 15 year old. Kids get all their crap done online now instead of late at night while whispering into their Swatch phones about how someone is taking someone else’s coveted crush to a dance and that’s a knife in the back but ohcrapIgottagomymom’scomingupthestairs! Or whatever. Not like I’d know.

The other thing I can’t understand about MySpace is people who use comments as a way to have a dialogue with their friends. A “comment” is like “I love your new picture!”. But on so many pages I see one-sided conversations like “I’ll keep you posted! We wont find out about it till tomorrow!” I’m not trying to be nosy, but if you’re posting that publicly, you better give us more information, vague commenter. What will we find out about? If you can go to camp, or the sex of your baby? What is it!?

I was looking up an old acquaintance from college who I’ve lost touch with but secretly stalk and found some of the post prolific yet vague comments on her page. One of her friends wrote “i contacted the D.A.’s office last monday to get those assault charges rollin…so far i just have to wait for them to call me back to get more info. i was told its probably best to wait until there is a guilty plea on the case before i move forward with suing the club for negligence and liability. then that way i have a more solid case against them. gawd!!! what a mess…”
What a mess indeed. It’s a mess that I don’t know more!!

Katina and I started posting intentionally vague comments to each other like “No, I know what you mean!” so that maybe we will catch the eye of someone nosy (like me) and throw them for a loop.
A food loop. (Roommate Jeff was in a Food Loop commercial once. Other than that there is no relevance.)
foodloop

I don’t do anything else on MySpace except for make fun of people I don’t know, as you can see. It’s like a natural extension of myself. Look for my screenplay about it all soon….Mean g://URLs.

Chain Reaction. The final link.

Well, America. Here I am. Even though I’m a certifiable Chain Reaction winner, I haven’t forgotten my roots. I am a hundred-dollar-aire now and even though I’m sure this changes my tax bracket and puts me on lists with the likes of Bill Gates and princes from glamorous Middle Eastern-style countries, I’m keeping my job and my apartment and some of my friends. I have a heart, after all.

A few more tidbits about filming the show… (Hey, it’s a slow news month over on CNN. If it wasn’t, I’d have more varied topics to discuss.) When we took our places onstage, Glennis was centered between me and Kate and the producer gave her a box to stand on. Even though we are roughly the same height, I took this as an opportunity to mock her and call her all sorts of small-people nicknames that are neither polite nor politically correct. Then, Glennis, saucy minx that she is, started waving to host Dylan and was like “hiiii, Dylan!”, at which point, I called over to him and said “Haahaha! Whatever – she’s standing on a box! Hahaha!”.
Because I’m a good friend.
It was at this point that Dylan took his place onstage and stepped up…onto a box of his own. Now, since it’s the Easter season we will play a game called “Where’s the Egg?” – I’ll make it easy for you all, the egg was located on my face. Hear that, kids? It doesn’t pay to try and sabotage your friend’s potential love tryst with a basic-cable game show host to make your own shortcomings seem less short. (I don’t actually have shortcomings, I had to say that so Glennis wouldn’t be mad that I was making fun of her standing on a box!)

After murdering the competition in the first part of the show, breaking records like nobody’s business (I guess no other team ever swept 2 rounds straight without allowing the other team to score or some business like that) – look out Chain Reaction‘s Wikipedia page, our names are going to be sprawled across you in no time – we went on to the Bonus Round. Boy do the message board people at GSN.com have a thing or two to say not only about this season’s revamped formula for the bonus round, but about our stupidity as a team. Thanks, anonymous game show lovers! I did go to college, but I didn’t major in asking a question by alternating every other word with a partner. I’m not THAT smart! Wow. One viewer from Central Jersey had this to say “So far it seems like the contestants are still the same types of pretty, obnoxious young people who don’t really have a grip on the game” Aww! He said I was pretty!
Another guy from Pennsylvania who thought he could do better than us wrote “Unfortunately, the contestants are still dumb. They still have the anti-climatic betting round, pretty much all the same. I don’t know how that BR could be LOST, and yet those women LOST!” Hey, he said I was dum–Is he talking about hit TV show LOST? I love that show!! I also love anti-climatic things ’cause I hate weather!

Game Show Companion says that when he reads things posted on message boards and blog comments it makes him sad about America. It makes me sad too. I mean come on – Kate and I may have formed a sentence that asked the question “What-Do-You-Trim-Dough-With?” and Glennis may have answered “A Lawnmower” but there’s no need for name calling. We are individuals with smarts and sass. Hardly stupid COOKIE CUTTER contestants, I say. I had fun. And that’s what life, or at least game shows, are all about.

THANK YOU BRANDON, for this amazing picture. Brandon snapped this off his tv when the show aired and he thinks it looks like Kate and I are praying over Glennis. Which we kinda were.
pray

Chain Reaction on Tomorrow!

“Chain Reaction: My Best Day Ever” premieres on TV tomorrow night on the Game Show Network at 10pm. That means that me, Glennis, and Kate – triple-threats in the areas of word-linkage, speed and wagering – may or may not win the episode set to air tomorrow, you’re just going to have to tune in to find out. But why wouldnt you tune into me talking about farts on TV? Really.