Archive for June, 2007

This Post: Strong to the Finich

Last month, Roommate Jeff’s mom, sister and 5-year-old nephew came to visit. Last week while sitting on our couch, Roommate Jeff pulled a bendy, rubber Popeye toy out of the couch cushion and despite our recent child visitor asked “Is this yours??”. It gave us a real chuckle.
Especially since I would never lose my bendy rubber Popeye doll in the couch.

Ahhhh ga ga ga ga!


The Simple Lie. F.

Listen up! I have a theory that I’m prettttty sure is going to blow the lid off things. “Things” meaning Paris Hilton. I’ve resisted her for so long but I have decided that I know what’s up. Have you seen the pictures of her, freshly released from her stint in the clink? Because I have and I want to voice my opinion that that’s clearly a Paris Hilton impersonator. The real Paris was probably at home eating Carl’s Jr. and watching Starting Over every day while this impersonator was doing hard time in her stead.


Picture 1

cannot be the same as this:

Picture 2

There’s a reason people dislike this gal, and it’s because of things like Picture 2. Well, Picture 2 plus all the racist rantings, “acting” , and un-environmentally-sound air travel to multiple birthday parties around the globe in one night. But then Picture 1 pops up, well, actually precursor to Picture 1 (picture of crying Paris in car) pops up, makes people think she has a heart, and then we start to believe in the redemptiveness of jail in case we didn’t already learn it at Shawshank. But… I mean, that ain’t Paris. What I’m thinkin’ happened is Real Paris went to jail, couldn’t stand the heat, got let out of the kitchen…and then a Fake Paris was hired by Rick and Kathy to get back into the kitchen to do the rest of her time.

Let’s also consider that Lindsay Lohan’s birthday party (is that thing still happening!? I haven’t felt so will-they-or-won’t-they about something since Kevin Arnold and Winnie Cooper. If that party doesn’t happen you can bet I will not have a neat summer) is rumored to have Paris impersonators attending, so these gals are just a Google search away, it would not be hard for the Hiltons to locate a replica of their eldest skank progeny. Or maybe they didn’t even have to pay someone, maybe they found a thin, orange homeless girl who figured jail would be a better alternative than another night on the street and they gave her a face transplant like in Face/Off. Sigh. Remember when Nicolas Cage movies were watchable?

So what I’m saying is that metaphorically, if Paris (Hilton) is Paris, then Paris (Impersonator) is the Paris Las Vegas, a model of the real thing used to fool none-the-wiser spectators. But don’t let yourself be fooled! This is really important stuff.

Hulk Love Cupcake!

Happy Friday! Hulk-Liz want this because it’s so darn cute!


If Hulk-Liz don’t get it, Hulk-Liz get ANGRY!


Slither. Watch it.

In the middle of Glennis’ birthday dinner about two months ago, I got a phone call from Brooklyn General Store, a fabric and sewing goods store, because I signed up for a sewing class. Because I’m so polite, I took the call and gave them all my payment information and whatnot right there at dinner. It sounds rude, but here’s what we looked like while eating dinner, so you have to realize that me taking one quick call was hardly the distraction it might normally be.


At that point, Kate asked “Are you—” Wait, hang on. Ahem. At that point, Kate


asked, “Are you ever not taking a class?” And I thought about it and realized, not really. I thirst for the knowles! That’s knowledge. Knowledges? Beyonce Knowlesies. You can’t really abbreviate knowledge in a hip way, by the way. B-T-Dubs.

Prior to taking the sewing class, and I mean like, over the course of my living in New York, I have taken a sketch writing class, a non-fiction writing class, 7 or 8 improv classes, a crochet class, a copywriting class, an illustration class and a true-crime class at NYU’s school of Continuing Ed that was so bad I dropped it after 2 sessions. That class actually was entertaining because of my fellow classmates who sought to continue their ed. Especially the two older Long Island-based ladies who came in matchy-matchy workout suits and commented on everything as if they were the Waldorf and Statler of Ronkonkoma. But even they couldn’t save it for me. Someone light a match because even 5 years later, that class still stinks.

I just took a Photoshop intensive class this weekend and I’ll be taking an Illustrator class in 2 weeks just to continue my tradition of not sitting idly on nights and weekends, but y’all, I am tired. It is kind of necessary though since I’m getting old and have never used those programs. I own a Mac because on top of it being pretty and very white, I told myself I would actually USE the programs it’s compatible with and this weekend was my way of trying to justify that to myself.

So I came home Saturday night after 7 hours of staring at Magic Wands and Rectangular Selection Tools, and At-Home-Movie Companion and I settled into our normal horror movie routine which always makes me happy. He had DVR’d Slither since we have a penchant for the current oh-so popular genre of horroredy. Which is a genre I just made up (Horror-Comedy. I know, it wasn’t very clear.) But you know what I mean…Hostel, Cabin Fever, Wrong Turn…all those movies where good-looking actors who started on the WB network get terrorized by like, viruses and dangerously inbred neighbors and you’re not sure if they’re supposed to be funny but they are.

Slither went above and beyond my expectations and it was gross and scary but also hilarious. Why is it not a cult favorite by now? Its castmembers include actors from Gilmore Girls (Mitchum Huntzberger!), The Office (Pam Beasley!), Battlestar Galactica (some other dude!), and Firefly (the main dude!). Clearly, this film should have “cult favorite” written all over it with a culty cast like that, some of whom I don’t actually know about except when At-Home-Movie Companion mentions them because he watches Battlestar and Firefly and I stand by ridiculing him for his nerdery while watching quality shows like E!’s 20 Greatest Hollywood Slim-Down Stories. IN CLOSING, You should watch Slither and I’ll let you know how my Illustrator class goes. Because no, Kate, kate
I’m never not taking a class.