How I spent my summer vacation

Ever since officially died last week, I have experienced slim to no traffic over here…Did people really not heed all my warnings about changing their links and feeds, or is it just because I didn’t actually post anything all week?

At-Home Companion and I spent the weekend cooped up for a while because, you know, June in New York has become monsoon season. If I were to pen an open letter to our nation’s leader, it might say something like “Hey there, guy, please stop denying that climate change exists. It looks like stock footage from the hurricane episode of The Golden Girls outside my apartment and, mind you, I do not live in Florida. If I did, I wouldn’t be having this conversation with you at all because Al Gore would be president. Thanks for the economic stimulus check by the way, I’m off to buy another AC and a dehumidifier so my bathroom doesn’t smell like mold. Now watch this drive.”

Also, my bathtub seemed to be retaining some water, as in, not everything was draining properly, so I unscrewed the drain screen thing and tried to fish out the hairball culprit. You guys, this was one of those things that was the grossest but most satisfying thing ever. After pulling out a reasonable sized chunk of slimy hair, I kept a-fishin’ and pulled out a gnarly, dreadlocky chunk that could have passed for a wet rat. It was glorious. I gagged the whole time. I handed it over to Liquid-Plumbing Companion because, bless his heart, he was very supportive while watching me poke old hair with a plastic fork, and he offered to prepare said dreadlock for the trash. Did you hear about how the guy in England was fined because he didn’t properly prepare his trash? I love that story so much, if only because it reminds me of the Anal Retentive Chef from SNL (“We place our refuse on the paper towel, making sure our corners are square, and we fold.”) TV Watching Companion and I have also been on a Newsradio kick this week, is that maybe the most underrated show ever? I think it is. Best ensemble cast maybe in the history of sitcoms. Yeah, I said it. But also, R.I.P. Phil Hartman.

Now where was….right. So, the whole reason I tried to unclog the drain this way is because I read that drain cleaners, aside from killing one out of three Heathers (R.I.P. Heather Chandler), are so awful for the environment that they will probably also kill all the alligators in the sewers, too, so why not stick your fingers down a questionable drain and remove all threat to the environment while making yourself gag? It’s all in my quest to be green, folks. Now excuse me while I close all the windows because it’s pouring out and then go throw up.

    • Becky
    • July 1st, 2008

    I check daily for your words of wisdom… But more often than not, I leave unsatisfied…

    Riddle me this: Would you have gotten this joke? Because it bombed big time!!!

    Friend of Becky: Becky, I’d like you to meet my friend, Tommy.

    Becky: Nice to meet you, Tommy. Hey, didn’t you used to work on the docks?


    Becky: Get it?


    • Becky
    • July 1st, 2008

    Why did my close parenthesis become a smile emoticon?

  1. A) Yes, I would have gotten your joke but Livin’ on a Prayer is a stretch. I might have gone with “Hi, Tommy. Can you hear me?”

    B)Please, keep all comments relevant and on-topic, Rebecca.

    C)I’m trying a period and parenthesee combo to see if your winking emoticon was born that way. .)

  2. Nope. Guess it’s not the period/parenthesee. Maybe an ellipse/parenthesee?

  3. We have a winner.

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