Archive for December, 2008

Punny Blogs. It’s a whole new era.

Thanks to the force that is Facebook (a force I resisted for years and only joined because my sister told me to and now she is never even on it), I’ve discovered (or perhaps invented) the world of Facebook Comedy. I find myself often saying to people “Oh man, you like PG Tips tea too? We should start a Facebook group!” You can see, clearly, how the comedy ensues with original thinking like that. (But it’s the best tea ever and if there isn’t a group for it, shame on you, Facebookers.) “You use Gas-X after eating Chipotle, too? Facebook group!” “Tell it to my WALL!” “I’m changing my religious views to the church of these meatballs! They are delicious!” You see where I’m going. Sometimes successful, sometimes not, but if there’s one thing I excel at, it’s making people cringe when I, you know, talk.

Today my status said something to the effect of “Vegan Carrot Soup is not a satisfying lunch. I’m going to need a cheeseburger in 10 minutes.” and then Kirk responded “Liz can haz cheeseburger?” and then I wrote “That joke is 14-carrot GOLD!” and there are about 10 different situations in there that I want to exploit and ruin.

First, the blog I’m going to start that’s called 14carrotgold.blogspot.com where it’s either pictures of bunnies standing in front of brick walls dressed as famous stand-up comedians or recipes that all involve carrots or pictures of bunnies cooking recipes with carrots in them.

Second, there’s the probably offensive LOLKatz site I’m going to start where instead of cats saying cute phonetic things, it will be pictures of old Jewish men saying things like “You should BE so lucky to have a cheezburger!” Trademark that. 

Third, I really wanted to start a tumblr last week called BLOGojevich and chronicle the life and times of the Illinois governor, but clearly that was a topical and fleeting story that wouldn’t have made for a blog with any sort of shelf life.  Not like this whoisliz blog right here, this guy is 100% preservatives. It’s not going anywhere. It even came with packets of silica that I may or may not have eaten. 

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Pun in the Workplace

I have a head for business and a bod for sin, minus the head for business part. And the bod for sin part. Basically, I’m a ghost. But I still like coming up with puns and recently I thought of two, for when I decide to open my own store.

First, if I ever feel like becoming a yoga instructor, I’m totally naming my studio The Om Depot.

My second idea is both a sitcom pitch and an actual shop I’d seriously like to own. The pitch part goes: What happens when a couple who files for separation are ordered by the court to stay together for the sake of their coffee shop? Grounds for Divorce! So yeah, sitcom or no, I think that name is awesome and if anyone steals it from me I will hunt them down. Despite the fact that I can barely tolerate coffee anymore, let alone run a business that requires extensive knowledge about it.

Jury Doody. Etc.

It’s Birthday Week in our house, today is my birthday, and Birthday Companion’s is tomorrow. We’re having a little party Friday. The only thing sullying an otherwise untarnished week is the fact that I have jury duty tomorrow, so I guess no heavy drinking for me tonight, gotta look alive! I’ve been following the police blotter (well, ok, NY1) to see what’s going on in the news in case I get put on a case. I’ve already determined that everyone in the recent news is guilty. So maybe I’m not the best juror? But some advice: don’t bring guns to clubs and don’t stab people over a $2 bus fare, recent New York newsmakers. If you do either of these things and then I am given the authority to judge you, then I’m sorry for what you’ve brought on yourself and I’ll show no mercy. Or you know, I might read a book tomorrow and then be let out at noon. Either way, I don’t have to go to work!

When it’s Birthday Week we go all out because how often do two Birthday Companions have birthdays one day apart? So we plan to go out to dinner almost every night this week. Monday we went to Hecho en Dumbo in, uh, Dumbo. It was insanely good Mexican food, if you ever find yourself down under the Manhattan Bridge overpass. We almost had to crawl home, we ate so many tacos, burritas, sopes, moletes, bistecs and flans. No joke, we got a sampler platter. We ate all of the above. Tuesday we went to Jack the Horse, which is a delicious neighborhood pubby type place, despite its filthy-sounding name. I got a blue cheese burger and a beer. It sounds ideal, doesn’t it? It was. Tonight I haven’t decided where to go, but Birthday Companion was right, it would not be crazy to pick a restaurant not in Brooklyn. After all, I hear Manhattan has some fine eateries. I’ll be sure to let you know how that all pans out. 

Finally, my gig recapping The Pickup Artist 2 is done, the last recap is here. That goes out to Amanda and Eliza and my cousin Heidi’s roommate, the only three people who, in the last eight weeks of recapping, admitted to watching the show. For your sakes, I hope you enjoyed it and I’m sorry it’s over.