Archive for April, 2009

One Wedding and a FUN..eral.. FUNORAIL. FUN MONORAIL. DISNEY.

It’s been a rough week. The loss of Bea Arthur, coupled with the fact that I’m going to favorite-engaged-couple Amanda and Caton’s wedding on May 9th but planning to wear a dress that’s too small and depriving myself of real food in order  to fit in it is making me unhappy. In other words, I need a cheesecake to get me through this. And someone with a lanai upon which I can drink and drown my sorrows.

At least I know that in a week I will either fit into a dress I bought in December knowing full-well it was too small, or I will give up and just eat my weight in wedding cake to deal with the disappointment I have in my own willpower. Both are fine options, but I really do want to wear that dress. 

The wedding is in Florida, (Tampa, not Miami but you know that if I had the time I’d make the pilgrimage for Bea), but I don’t have the time because as soon as those two lovebirds say “I do,” we are so outta there – Disney waits for no one. Because yes, we are going back to Disney! For a week! Oh my God I can’t wait to eat so much freaking food in the World Showcase! Seriously. After Traveling Companion and I got back from Disney the last time, we researched and found the recipe for the cheesy chicken (Chicken a la Raja or something? More like Chicken con Awesome.) that fake Disney Mexico served because it was so insanely good. I never knew how much food mattered at Disney and that it is so very, very delicious down there, which is why I called about 2 months ago to make reservations for all our meals. They open the reservations up 3 months in advance and people, believe me when I tell you that some places were fully booked 3 months ago. We learned the hard way that you don’t want to be wandering around the Hollywood Studios on an empty stomach, lest you end up eating day-old chicken fingers for lunch. And I love chicken fingers, that’s not the issue, the issue is that there is SO MUCH MORE you COULD be eating if only you had made a reservation. 

The food is not the only reason we’re going either (although it’s a priority now that we found out Space Mountain is not going to be running for 6 months starting like, this week. We’ll always have vaguely racist Splash Mountain though…) We also decided to go a little nutters on the trip and rent Segways and take a Segway Tour of Epcot for a morning. When my travel companion brought this up I was like, “what, and look like Gob? I don’t think so.” But the more we mulled it over I was like “What, and look like Gob? I think very much so.” So I made the reservation, and when I did the helpful Disnervationist was like “Ohhh mah Gahd, y’all HAVE to bring a camera. What’s yer travelin’ companion’s name?” “Jeff.” “Well you are gonna want to take pitchers a’ Jeff fallin’ off that thang!”.  So basically, yes. I’m going to force him to wear loose linen pants and sandals to really look the part.

I have been waiting for three years also to have a sweet sip of the glorious nectar called Dole Whip, the pineapple sorbet only available in Disney and Hawaii and according to certain people on the internet, the occasional college dining hall. It is so good and despite my mild fear of flying to Florida in the midst of an international Swine Flu pandemic, if I had to die, it would be with a Dole Whip in one hand and a custom made chocolate chip cookie ice cream sandwich in the other (available at the Main Stree USA bakery! Act now!) Farewell cruel world. You are delicious.

Crack is wack

ALSO, I forgot to mention, but a letter/comment I wrote to NY Mag is in this week’s issue. Whatever you do, DO NOT tell my parents about this. Seriously. Wait, I think my parents are the only ones that still read this…But seriously, they’d kill me if they knew about this. (Hi Mom and Dad! Don’t kill me!)

Move-in day, 2001, Sunnyside, Queens. My roommate and I struggled to move a futon mattress out of a truck and into our building’s elevator when two neighborhood guys offered to help. They grabbed it and fit it into the elevator without even taking the cigarettes out of their mouths, and yet somehow, even though they were a little dirty and creepy, we told them to come by our apartment for a six-pack that night as a thank-you for the help. (There is no logic behind that, we weren’t the smartest.) When they showed up, they brought their friend Eddie, who seemed especially creepy. We drank our beers, hung out, they left. A few minutes later Eddie rang our buzzer and told us he forgot something and could he come up and grab it? We looked around, and after checking the bathroom, we realized our new friend Eddie had left his crack pipe in there.


The site I’ve been contributing my riveting American Idol recaps to has been rebranded so, FYI, here’s the new link for you

That goes out to the four people who have been regularly checking back here lately. Sorry for my absence, I have nothing new to report these days. But I will soon, we’re going back to Disney World! Wee!

I’ll be sure to give full reports and a photo diary from our round-the-world pub crawl in the Epcot World Showcase Pavilion, don’t you worry.