I don’t know the first time I heard the phrase “In Absentia”. Most likely it was during a siblings’ graduation ceremony, and I couldn’t figure out why someone would rather be in a place called Absentia instead of in their schools cafetorium, carefully remembering to take with the left and shake with the right. But as you can all tell, that’s exactly where I’ve been this summer: in absentia. At least when it comes to this blog. Sorry. But in case you were wondering where I’ve been I’ll break it down for you.
I’ve been writing full-time at TheFabLife.com and I’ve also been directing a sketch group. I’ve also been working, y’know, at the old day job. That takes up most of my time, fortunately (insurance!) and unfortunately (precious time wasted!). I’ve been attending weddings and bridal showers, I’ve been beaching in 60 degree coastal Maine beach water, and I’ve been riding segways and Rock’n’Roller Coasters at Disney World (and eating insanely delicious – who knew? – skewered meat and bread pudding from the Polynesian Resort). I visited Woodstock, NY for the first time ever, on the actual anniversary of Woodstock, right after traumatically getting swept down a river in the Catskills in delightfully unsafe inner tube. That was the same weekend I made an ice cream brownie pie with a gold-teeth grill and ping pong balls for eyes so…yeah. I’ve gone to wineries and farm stands on the North Fork of Long Island and walked through the halls of a hotel in a bathrobe while a wedding took place there. I went to Governor’s Island, the Bronx Zoo, the Brooklyn Flea, Long Island City comedy clubs, bowling alleys in Chelsea, the world’s largest outlet mall, a friend’s cheesecake bakery in Maine, and spent more than a few hours watching the entire series of Mad Men on my couch. I also met two tiny twin babies that managed to crap and barf on me and my Twin-Holding Companion in about 4 seconds flat. I have spent the whole summer saving money while contemplating culinary school, and still haven’t come to a decision. I have also spent the whole summer with a $1 winning scratch ticket in my wallet contemplating where to redeem it (in the form of another $1 scratch ticket), to increase my odds of turning it into more money. I’ve spent a lot of time worrying about money, being jealous of my neighbors who are moving to San Francisco, doing yoga to somehow magically elongate my short body, and eating burritos, which seems to neutralize all that negativity. So if you ask me what I’ve been up to and my stock answer is “Nothing”, it’s not that I think all this is nothing, it’s that if I say “Everything”, it means I’ll have to get into a long conversation and, obviously, I don’t have time for that.