Archive for May 14th, 2010

H.R. Muffnstuff

Not gonna lie, I really enjoy a good tuna melt (although I’d omit the hard-boiled eggs from this recipe because why would you do that?) and I kinda love the idea of an English muffin purse with cheese on top. Know what I don’t love? Hot yeasty muffins.

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When you’re slidin’ into home and your mug is full of foam…

Condensed tomato soup + condensed pea soup + bits of sausage = Haunted house recipe for fake diarrhea. But you can serve it in mugs!

The Hostess With The Mostest Sensitive Husband Ever

This gem comes courtesy of the Swift’s Premium Meats recipe book. I’d just like to once again harp on the awesome sexism that existed back in the day, which is beautifully illustrated by this dual-toned introduction to the Mastering The Art Of Meat book.

The “To the Host” section at the top assures even the most steadfast of meat-loving men that all one needs  to be an expert in the field of carving is a steady hand, a solid knife and a confidence that will have guests believing that you are the manliest, most chest-beatingest of men because you know how to slice a turkey.

The “To The Hostess” section on the other hand, explains to the wife, you know, the woman who purchased, prepped and cooked the meat, that her duty at the table is to “Be patient, tactful and helpful. Praise liberally…and never, never correct or direct the carving.” That’s right ladies, all it takes is one “You should choke up on that knife a little, dear”, and the beautiful roast and everyone’s evening will be ruined. And it will be All. Your. Fault. You dummy.

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