Just Like Honey


The American Honey Institute’s fake cross-stitched honey cookbook has so much going for it. In addition to it’s colorful cover, each new chapter shares a new cross-stitchy design and a delightful no-em. That’s my term for a poem that just shouldn’t exist. Like, say:

“With butter, egg and good honey

Your cake will moist and flaky be”

Sure.

“A little honey in the canning

Mixed with the juices is good planning”

“Of all the cookies I have eaten

Those made with honey can’t be beaten”

“If you a happy cook would be

Use honey in your recipe”

Well now that’s just a copy editor’s nightmare. Unless it’s old timey English that was acceptable back when honey was first invented.

“If honey is used with the fruit

The flavor will your palate suit.”

I mean, I’m all for switching around verb placement out of necessity, but every time, honey people? It’s like translating things from English to Spanish, and then back to English. Side note, I’m currently reading The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo and I feel like that book is translated in a similar way (SORRY, superfans!). It’s just very “Hold on there, my friend! Let me finish what I began telling you! This is quite a story of intrigue.”( I’ve taken to imagining Fred Armisen as the narrator doing his Danish Repertory Theater voice.)

To come there will be more honey

Just like me, a busy bee.

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