Supplies Party! (That’s so racist)

I’m really, oddly attached to my office supplies at work. At my last job where I was the receptionist, I created a rubber band ball I was so attached to that when I left, I contemplated taking it with me. It was like a pet, really. I nurtured it from teeny, tiny single rubber band to softball sized organism capable of existing on its own without my help. I also take my pens seriously. I could easily buy (nay, steal) a box of 12 pens and keep them for a good two to three years because I’m the one in the office who, upon letting someone use my pen to sign something and then watching them creep away, has the gall to say “Sorry, but that was my pen.” Waste not, want not. Be a jerk? Why not! But come on, how do you forget whose pen you’re using? Seriously.

I learned the hard way  that I am actually co-dependent with my At-A-Glance desk calendar. It covers the surface of my desk and I get a new one every year, thrilled to flip it over each month to reveal a fresh, clean surface on which I can practice my signature, write phone messages, and turn the horizontally lined pages into zig-zag, color-blocked, semi-filled-in checkerboard designs. (You didn’t think I actually keep my schedule on it, did you?) I cleaned out my apartment last month and found dozens of pads of paper that I’d been hoarding and even though I am a hard-copy list-maker who loves writing my grocery lists out, creating to-do lists with things like “Laundry, Clean Bathroom, Return Library Books, Decorate Christmas Tree” that are so easily remembered that they don’t actually need a list but that’s how bad my need  to check things off is, I still had an abundance of paper. So I took it all with me to work, convinced it was the green thing to do, the thing that would cut back on my Post-it use and…my…At-A-Glance.

It’s now four business days into January and I couldn’t hack it. I’m sure all this paper will get doodled on eventually, but I actually tried to turn an old piece of paper I tore from a recipe swap notebook into a makeshift At-A-Glance because I got too antsy without one and that was a miserable failure. I reasoned that the At-A-Glances were just sitting in our storage room, having already been ordered and if I didn’t go pick one up and use it, someone else would and the environment would still become a river of  polar bears floating away on their tiny, only-one-polar-bear-will-fit icebergs. So now I have a pristine At-A-Glance desk calendar right next to my shoddy, homemade, no-ruler-required-I’ll-just-wing-it crappy calendar. Which one do YOU prefer?

Yes, yes it does say “From the kitchen of” in the top right corner, thanks for noticing! And yes, it’s not even a week into the new year and I already have a vacation day planned on the 14th. What?

Oh, sweet, beautiful, untouched At-A-Glance. So pure in your unadulterated state, without any lunch spilled on you yet, nary a note to myself noting “screen this number, this guy is creepy! 212-XXX-9178” or, you know, a “From the kitchen of” section. Pretty soon, the edges will start to curl, I’ll drop a meatball on it, and I’ll start tearing corners off to wrap old gum in, but for now, she’s a beaut, ain’t she?

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