Archive for the ‘ Foodstuffs ’ Category

Context!

Oh, hello! It’s been forever since I’ve been here, sorry. But after reading this New York Times article about how food is filmed for commercials, I HAD to write something. Nothing gets my creative juices flowing like hilarious, food-based copy. This is a really fun read if you like TV, commercials, food, or the magic derived from any of the above.

But there is just too much in this article that is too good to ignore. So here are my favorite lines from the article which are funny to begin with, but are elevated to amazing when taken out of context.

“This casserole shot, for instance, is an elaborate tango of artifice, technology and timing.”

“Moments before each take, Mr. Somoroff yells, ‘Ooze!'”

“…a special-effects rigger who holds his own hypodermic of sauce and is having a hard time synching with a hand model.”

“The goal was to see moist white meat when it bounced.”

“… showing in gorgeous slow motion the hole left by the fruit…”

“Pizza pasta, it turns out, is just what it sounds like.”

“…this doughnut was tumbling through the air and through a curtain of sugar…”

“He reached under a table and brought out a pair of matching, foot-and-a-half-long black catapults, powered by air cylinders, which he’d originally built for a Long John Silver’s commercial in which shrimp collided.”

“There’s a hole here. Move that piece of meat.”

“Mary Divett, a food stylist with a British accent, tweezes slices of pepperoni”

and of course, my very favorite line of all, and my future band name:

 

“hot cheese in motion”

 

Grilled Chicken, That Temperamental Star [NY Times]

Just Like Honey


The American Honey Institute’s fake cross-stitched honey cookbook has so much going for it. In addition to it’s colorful cover, each new chapter shares a new cross-stitchy design and a delightful no-em. That’s my term for a poem that just shouldn’t exist. Like, say:

“With butter, egg and good honey

Your cake will moist and flaky be”

Sure.

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Make a game of where you place your napkin at mealtimes! Or if you’re like me, use the same paper towel for 3 days in a row!

Well this is fun! Figuring out which food groups your meal belon—ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

This is the most boring game I’ve ever not wanted to play. But, just as all cereal boxes from my childhood depicted, breakfast really proves to be much more detailed than I’ve ever experienced, what with all the milk, juice, toast, eggs, coffee and fruits you’re supposed to consume. (Seriously, is there any other image so fictional as one on the cereal box which showed a bowl of cereal of topped with strawberries, next to milk, juice, coffee and toast, accentuated by one spoonful emerging from the bowl with the most Elmer’s glue-like dribble of milk hanging off?)

It also makes me a little sad that in my entire lifetime, I’ve never set the table for lunch.

Before the four food groups and the food pyramid, there was this list of (mostly) enjoyable things to eat

I’m pretty upset  that we no longer live in an era where “Butter and Margarine” is a food group. Of course this is no surprise, considering that at that time, butter and cream were essential in preventing the deforming and weakening of the nation’s children.

I generally spend the most time with food groups 2, 3 and 4 myself, although admittedly I touch on 1 (Peanut Butter) and 7 (Potatoes) on occasion.

Well, the important thing is that you make enough for everyone. In town.

Sadly, American portion sizes have increased so much that the revised recipe output is “Serves 12”.

Flour Power a.k.a. A Lesson In Optical Illusions

This is a big piece of cake, huh? Oh wait. It’s even bigger as than I first thought.

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Prune Cream: The only dessert that tastes better going out than coming in!

Sometimes I buy a container of prunes and think “I like prunes!” and then after one serving I realize “Prunes are not all they’re cracked up to be!” and then the prunes get thrown away. Unfortunately I don’t think the tag line “Prunes – they’re just expensive garbage!” will be taken seriously by the people at Sunsweet, but truth in advertising and all…

Despite my mild tolerance for prunes, I’m not sure I can understand this concept of Prune Cream. It sounds like dirty slang until you realize it’s a dessert, which makes it worse. How dare you cookbook people sully the good name of dessert by bringing prunes into the mix? Dessert is for things like chocolate, peanut butter and high fructose corn syrup. Not Prune Cream. But you can make it in a jiffy so it’s got that going for it.