Archive for the ‘ Lost ’ Category

The Lost Onion

What if the island on Lost was a real place? What if the crash survivors we never hear from are a hilarious bunch who band together to create a clever phony newspaper, Onion-style?  I know, I wondered too! Here are some sample headlines from the The Lost Onion:

Area Residents Upset Over Lenient Vincent-the-dog Curbing Policies

Ethan Rom Admits There Are Better Anagrams to ‘Other Man’, Prefers Art Menoh

Mother Issues Support Group Argues With Father Issues Support Group Over Who Had It Worse

Dharma-Brand Foods Recalls 128 oz. Jugs of Ranch Dressing

Islanders Grapple with Unbearable Frito Smell Coming From the Foot Statue No One Talks About

Driveshaft Cover Band, “Not Penny’s Boat”, to play annual “You All Everybody” Outdoor Music Festival

At Odds With Island Producers, Island Writers Grow Strike Beards On Top Of Their Regular Beards

To Bernard’s Dismay, Rose Admits Being Proposed to at Niagara Falls “Cheesy”

Non-American Survivors Confused, Annoyed by Jack’s Catch-Phrase “That’s why the Red Sox will never win the World Series”