Trying to solve problems like Maria

The other day I slipped out of work at 2 in  the afternoon to get a haircut. Just generally speaking this is a rare occurrence because a) I get my hair cut thrice a year, and b) my hairdresser is on 14th street so it takes about 25 minutes to get there and I start to feel pangs of anxiety if I’m away from my desk for too long, as if somehow I will get caught. (By my very nice and friendly bosses? Who never question my whereabouts because we are all adults?)  Still, I am constantly haunted by irrational fears of doing stuff wrong and getting caught. I fear authority, what can I say? Well done, public school system.

I decided to walk across 14th street instead of taking the L to 1st Ave. and on the way, I saw the most magnificent man in the world, ever. If it wasn’t so socially unacceptable (even though it’s totally socially acceptable), I would have whipped out my camera phone and taken a picture, but instead, I texted my In-Network Texting Companion to say “I just saw a guy who looked like Thor walking down the street – his t-shirt was literally cut all the way down below his pecs. he was sunburned. Brown hair though” I couldn’t contain my giddiness about this guy. Granted, he was not blonde, and from the waist down he was just an average Joe, but from the chest up he. was. Thor. I have to admit that my experience with Thor is limited to Vincent D’Onofrio in Adventures in Babysitting when he played a Thor-like savior of a truck driver to Chris Parker and her young charges, so when I said Thor, I guess I meant “Thor, but not Thor the comic book character or mythological figure, just a guy who looks 80’s trashy and had a huge chest.” Seriously, he was wearing a t-shirt cut on purpose to below his pecs. Can you stand it?? I came home that night, after work, after haircuts, and all I could talk about was Thor. We had to search on Flickr to see if other people might have seen this man-beast too, but alas, a search for “Thor sunburnt chest guy” turned up nothing. How dare the people of Flickr not have such a tag?

Last night I was in a rehearsal with the lovely sketch group I’m working with and we were discussing the cast of Adventures in Babysitting, as one does, when Vincent D’Onofrio came up and two of the members of the group said “Oh hey, speaking of, we just saw Thor on the sidewalk! A guy with a t-shirt cut out below his chest, but with brown hair! THOR!”

I’m not sure if I yelled or gasped or what, but I knew they were talking about my Thor. They too did not get a picture, but I’ve never felt such validation. Indeed, Thor was not a figment of my imagination or something I blew out of proportion – they saw him and were just as stunned by the chest so broad you could have local elementary school children paint a mural on. 

If anyone in New York sees my Thor, I beg you, please take a picture. He is my urban Yeti. I know he exists, but I long for the rest of the world to see him.

EDIT: Urban Yeti FOUND! Thanks to Stan, I now realize I’m not the only person fascinated by my Thor, The Observer was also fascinated enough to write a whole article about him. THOR!!!!!

P.P.S Edit: Someone else is obsessed with My Thor ™, only they call him He-Man.