Archive for October 19th, 2006

If I pitched sitcoms to FOX News….

The public has demanded right-wing TV shows. And the public shall receive them. Here are some sitcoms that (fingers crossed!) will be pitched to Rupert Murdoch soon…

(Thanks to Stan, who kicked this off with the suggestion Stop the INS, Hannity!)

Low-class furniture mover Don Sampson thought he’d never find love. Until a chance meeting with his favorite news anchor changed his life and the two fell head over heels for one another. Watch the attraction of these two opposites grow into love, this season on Man With a Van Susteren.

Every network needs some daytime drama, which is why we are proud to take an hour out of our midday lineup to bring you a show that can get pretty steamy. We promise, none of these slick plots are rigged…Stay tuned for Oil, My Children.

What happens when you put America’s most beloved comedienne and the current Vice President in the same house? Why, Ball and Cheney, of course! Thanks to the magic of CGI, we’ve combined classic clips of Lucy with some of Cheney’s angriest outbursts for a real laugh riot. Ed. Note: Working title “I Love Dick” was changed due to a LOGO Network injunction.

ballcheney
Photoshop courtesy of Glennis

If there’s one girl with a View we can get on board with it’s Elisabeth Hasselbeck! Welcome her to the FOX team and let’s all enjoy her new show geared towards a demo that doesn’t get addressed nearly enough, Neo-Con Blondes. The show will include hot topics every right-wing lady needs to know about: primping, fashion and even cooking! Watch for segments like The Right to Bare Arms, Your Pants Are Fine, But Take That Chertoff!, Wool Sweaters: An Exposé on Pills You Find…The Morning After and How to Make Brownies – And Do a Heckuva Job.

And finally, even kids need a healthy dose of agenda! We’ve addressed the women, so why not the children? If they’re the ones who are getting off this sinking ship we call America first, they need to know how to lead a fair and balanced life more than anyone! Our new morning programming includes everything from English lessons, as in Osama Rhymes with Obama and numbers, on the show 1, 3, 5, 7, Bill Clinton is Responsible, 13. Also, during the Christmas (we’ll never call it “holiday”) season, we will be running Yes, Virginia There is a Santorum Claus.

2006
10/19
CATEGORY
Pun Intended
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I Heart Brooklyn

Talking about Sahadi’s made me realize that I love Brooklyn a lot. And I’m not the only one. Posh and Becks love it enough to name their kid after it! Poor kid! And a Broadway musical was named after it. Many, many thanks to John Flynn for taking me to see that ear shattering hot mess way back in the day. I believe his selling point in getting me to go was that the orchestra was led by John McD, of “and the McDLT’s” fame. Oh, like you never saw an episode of The Rosie O’Donnell Show? There was a time when no one could avoid the Koosh.

So, I think the point I’m making is “Don’t name a thing after the place where I live because that thing will inevitably disappoint me”.

But anywayyouwantitthatsthewayyouneedit, I plan to support my local fellow Brooklyn crafty people by going to The Cobble Hill Design Fair featuring members of the Brooklyn Indie Market on Saturday.

chdf

If my Brooklyn Companion is agreeable enough, we might also hit the Red Hook Harvest Festival and the Gowanus Artists Studio Tour.

Many thanks to Dutch people and rich people for settling my favorite place. Many more thanks to my fireworks-loving landlord for shooting flammable objects into the night sky on any given day of the year. He brings to the area a much-needed grit and danger that you just don’t get from places like the Stinky Brooklyn cheese emporium and Area Baby.

2006
10/19
CATEGORY
Musings
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Sahadi’s!

Grocery stores are probably by favorite places to shop. As much as I love H&M and T.J. Maxx, I could spend more time picking out cheese, discovering a new brand of polenta or impulse buying tabbouleh in mass quanitities than I could looking at clothes. I loved Fairway, despite the crowds and overall bad attitudes of customers, and I still love Trader Joes, despite the crowds and tainted bagged spinach, but my favorite place to shop is Sahadi’s. Sahadi’s is on Atlantic Avenue which is also my favorite street. On one end, you’ve got your Target for buying Choxie and BAM for proving you like smart things, on the other you’ve got your Magnetic Field with fun trivia nights and cheap beer, and your Middle Eastern emporiums for buying hummus by the bucketful. Even when I lived in Manhattan though, I would come back to Brooklyn to shop at Sahadi’s. It’s the type of place I go not just to get stuff, but to feel like a real Brooklynite. A Brooklynite who loves her grape leaves, bulk spices and domestic feta. Which is why I’m so glad the Voice included owner Charlie Sahadi in its Best Of section this year.

I seriously love him!

Years ago, my daughter had a dance recital. It started at 7:30. At 7:05,
I’m locking the door to the store, and this guy shows up and says he came all this way,
and he’s begging me to let him shop. He says he was going to spend $300.
I said, “I’m sorry, but if you were going to spend $30,000, it wouldn’t matter.
My daughter’s in a dance recital.”

sahadi
Photo from The Village Voice

2006
10/19
CATEGORY
Musings
1 comment